Coolest telly-o-phone machine EVAH!

For the last three weeks, I have been enjoying the coolest telly-o-phone machine in the whole, wide world.

Well, okay. Maybe if you have an iPhone, you have something cooler.

But if you do, you'll have to use Softbank. The smallest of the mobile service providers.

But not me. Nuh-uh. I use DoCoMo.

Okay, so, there it is down yonder. On the surface it looks like an ordinary telly-o-phone machine, yes? With text messaging, mobile internet, a camera, a friendly little white cartoon whale swimming around the screen to offer pithy pleasantries in the morning.

Perfectly normal in every way, right?

Aha. Well that's where you're wrong.

Just twist it, fold it, touch the screen, extend the antenna and, voilà!

You get NHK, plus two other channels!

Now I can watch TV anywhere!

Anywhere, I say!

In a taxi. On the toilet. Even in the TV room!

Yeah, eat your heart out.

So how much did this marvel cost me?

An arm and a leg?

Nay. It was free, bitches!

Yes, free! Free! Free because it was six months old. And no one wants a six-month old model.

'Cept for me, of course.